How I Dance at Concerts

In the limited 2x2 space you get in the gallery of the concert you are standing, here are my tips to satisfy that inner desi dancer in you.

#1 Choose a suitable seat

This is very important. Among the various spots you want to choose one close to another danceaholic, because dancing solo is just too mainstream and a place far from the lights where we wouldn't want to feel shy suddenly and stop.

#2 Build up tempo

Allow the first two or three songs to set the resonant frequency of your heart to the beats coming from the amplifier. You need to allow the music to enter your soul and permeate to every nook and cranny of your body. So it's ok if you don't dance for the first few songs.

#3 Judge foot space

Very important to know just how much you can move your feet around. Mostly, it'll be enough for turning using the heel as the pivot without any translational movement. Especially accident prone me who would've toppled down all the steps of the gallery without this precaution.

#4 Start dancing

Now there is really nothing left to do than just start dancing! Trust yourself and just let your limbs go loose.

#5 Where to take a break

All those slow songs are cue for you to take rest and just give those aching limbs some rest.

Have fun!
After all, ain't nobody like a desi girl.

Kurukshetra: A book review

As such, I'm a huge fan of stories. The takeaway of the story Kurukshetra, by Krishna is a political, emotional and social issue, where everyone tries to do the right thing but end up hopelessly compromising the lives of those who trust in them.

The hero of this telling is Govinda and the heroine is Panchali. Govinda is life whereas Panchali signifies death. Govinda is a character I have always struggled to accept. In essence, how can someone so naughty and shrewd be so benign and wise? This is the first book that has appealed to me so much because Govinda here is a very possible and a very lovable person, a person who I might be insanely interested in. Govinda represents what I seek in life so badly and what gives me ultimate bliss - adventure, spontaneity, surprise, wit and wisdom. The unchanging change, the one who does exactly what he wants to change the world for better, a person who takes on the system and who acknowledges his transformations. He may stand for something and then the polar opposite, a person unafraid to change.

And then there is Panchali, the strength and uniqueness of her character is unparalleled. Through the books, her character is chiselled by tough incidents and she becomes darker and emerges more powerful and compelling. And in this story, she decided to let the world tear itself asunder on Kurukshetra to save Govinda. The journey of Panchali is portrayed to influence Govinda to understand that the system is flawed. A system that sat serenely and could not save Panchali is something that deeply unsettled Govinda.

While these are the pivotal characters, the books are a product of immense research and each character is fleshed out so beautifully. It felt like sheer poetry that at one point I had to remind myself that it was prose. Coming to Kurukshetra in particular, the book wastes no time in delving into the war within the first few pages, or at least that's how I felt. Each and every detail of the war was scientific, right from a concussion inducing Bhramastra to explosives. Honestly, I did not recognize that Vasusena was Karna and ostensibly that's my fault as my only knowledge of him was his excessive generosity. On a lighter note, I identified with Uttara the most, an adamant yet blunt person.

In all, it was a story that felt honest and even though it was tragic, it felt so strong. It felt like the final glorious legacy before the total collapse of excessive unnatural order. And it struck a common chord in so many ways.

The story of the system, the liquid nature of good and evil, the butterfly effect, the dangers of riding regardless of fear like Abhimanyu, the fact that a woman is still, in many ways, viewed as a belonging, the conflicting duties of heart and mind like Partha, the helpless feeling of being trapped by insecurities and duties like Syoddhan, the quietness of a few great souls like Shikandin, ah the list is endless, all of these are very relevant today.

Finally, like the in the book, I'd like to end by saying, there is a Govinda in all of us. That ember of inspiration, hope, change and the will to savour life exists in each and every beating heart.

You've got a problem?

I'm at that point in research where anyone and everyone who has an inkling of what research entails is highly curious on which problem am going devote my undivided attention in order to earn my PhD. And in true competitive exam style I give them any one of the following options :

a) stare weakly at them and say am working in AI which is true for 75% of the total scholars in department
b) say I am definitely better off than before
c) quote everyone else's work that I have read and appear to be well-informed
d) change the subject

That is because I feel awed by committing to a single problem for so long. Is it worth the effort? Am I wasting time? What if? What not?

Basically how does one "choose" a problem?

I think a problem is something akin to what Dr. Abdul Kalam said, a dream that isn't what you get when you sleep, but that which doesn't let you sleep. By that definition, several kinds of problems appeal to me - things that have wide applicability, things that require an elegant solution and things which are mysterious and you are curious how they work.

For example, Google was a pervasive solution. The safety pin was an elegant solution. And understanding the phases of the moon such that it fits all the observations is a mind blowing explosion of knowledge.

So yes, I haven't fixated on a problem. I haven't even decided what kind of problem to address. But I know it is one that is going to keep me excited for a long time to come.

Thanksgiving

I saw a post talking about what all they were thankful for. On a day with varied hues of emotion, I smiled serenely thinking of what all I'm grateful for.

I'm grateful that at this point in my life, I'm at the pinnacle of freedom, both in my job and life. After being surrounded by order and structure, truly now every day is an adventure, I know not what the forthcoming day brings forth. Sometimes small victories, other times abject miseries. Sometimes, leaps and bounds, sometimes a few crawls. It's all in the game! I'm grateful I can pursue all my passions with zeal and no regrets. I'm grateful to be in the cocoon of love from my family. I'm grateful for all the new experiences I've had this year. I'm grateful I finally go to wield a red pen :P I'm grateful I've become stronger and weaker at the same time. I'm grateful that I've finally started discovering who really is Sowmya S Sundaram. I'm grateful to see this world, to love and be loved. I'm grateful that I learnt there are two kinds of people - people who make you and people who break you, and in the end, you'll thank them both. I'm grateful for the beautiful forest I wake up in. I'm grateful for the warmth of friendships. I'm grateful to be able to savour music, dance, art, architecture and poetry.

In all, I'm blessed. Thank you. 

MS

MS are the initials of Dhoni.
MS are the initials of the great Carnatic singer MS Subbulakshmi.
MS are the initials of my dad.

To me MS means only one thing - Mood Swing :P

It is an open secret that women get mood swings left, right and center and I have read trillions of memes making fun of their illogical nature. But I thought, let me take you onto the other side, how it really feels to have a mood swing.

My father saw great potential in me as a thinker. He was adamant that I approach everything in life in a systematic and logical fashion. Tears and anger were both for weak people, he would say, and he painstakingly worked to remove all traces of such emotions. To give his due, he did succeed. There was a stage when nothing in the world would upset me and even if it did, not a single soul would know.

Until I was a teenager :P

Then came the storm of random tears, screams and bouts of self-pity with no clear logical reason. At the end of them, there would be rest and peace. And permanent embarrassment. Personally, it's not very frequent for me but when it is, it is the weirdest experience ever.

Symptom #1: Feeling either over-talkative or not talkative at all
I suddenly feel I need to talk about vital issues on the planet, like why curly hair is difficult to comb or why Harry Potter is nearly a religion and not just some figment of someone's imagination. Or, the diametric opposite, I want to keep calm and contemplate on the inner meaning of life. Why do I not like chocolate for example?

Symptom #2: My voice changes
Believe it or not, my voice truly changes when I have a mood swing. It becomes very high pitched suitable for both squealing and screaming.

Symptom #3: Tears
Whether I'm hungry, lonely, happy, sad, guilty, jealous, angry, scared, I cry. Irrespective of what emotion I'm feeling. An ant could bite me and make me feel like I'm the biggest loser on the planet.

Symptom #4: Over processing by the neurons
There are no longer seven colours in a rainbow, there are millions. There is a reason for everything yet there are none. There are expectations and yet there are none.

Symptom #5: I enjoy it
Strictly speaking, it is not enjoyment. However it is a slow building process where I repeatedly read things that make me angry for example and slowly build up the flame. To an outsider, it seems as if I enjoy being angry or sad and am increasing it. It is simply a way to escalate the emotion I am feeling to truly let it consume me in the end.

All the while, everything makes absolute perfect sense in some form that the story teller in me is quite proud. So much so that me realizing that I'm in a mood swing is probably how a schizophrenic wakes up to reality.

Once a mood swing is over, I feel extremely sheepish. The lack of logic painfully stabs the rising consciousness. And yet, I can't help but smile because once it is over, I feel like I've experienced emotion in the purest form, quite capable of instigating the poet in me to evoke the aesthetic sense from my most honourable reader.

To conclude, I offer two pieces of advice - to the one in a mood swing and to the one with the one in a mood swing. To the person in mood swing, don't hold back your tears. This is something I learnt the hard way, having been taught that tears are weak. It is a sign that your body wants to rest much like a baby does. And if you are lucky enough to realize you are in the middle of one, sleep or do something that makes you really happy. Happiness is also an emotion that your mood swing would greedily cast its form into. To the person who has realized that their friend is in a mood swing - mood swings are not a problem. I used to think they were a problem to address, they are not. It is simply a natural hormone rush that quite addles the brain. Best things to help your friend - patience, listening, chocolate and maybe some gentle persuasion to rest. The most important thing not to be done is to smirk in your supreme sense of normalcy. I have done that in the past, thinking I am some epitome of calmness until the mood swing bug bit me too and forced me to realize its power. Plus it would tip your friend to the worse, who is already teetering on the verge of  total emotional collapse.

In the end, it is a weird experience and what is life without weird experiences?

A Rainy Day

Pellets of water reverberate on the asbestos roof,
on the metallic hood of the air conditioner,
resonating with the lost portion of my heart, aloof
from the remaining world. A sense of sure
misfortune spreads slowly as I lay encumbered
in my room, unable to meet my destiny.
As the forces of nature conspire unfettered
against me, my sadness swells to misery.
Yet a gentle misty breeze gently pats my cheek,
reminding me that this day too shall pass,
for life has everything and today what you seek,
may just be another hop away or alas,
locked away for eternity, in which case,
it truly never was your destiny. In any case,
relax, take a deep breath and smile.

The Cosmic Dance and Physics

I was recently reminded of subatomic physics and its parallel with the Hindu philosophy. So, I read the relevant chapter in the Tao of Physics by Fritjof Captra and wanted to share the story. Disclaimer: this is not a religious post. I talk about science and stories, not religion because I believe religion is a personal choice quite unsuited for discussion. Philosophy and spirituality on the other hand are the underlying basis of humanity and quite open for debate. I digress here, what I mean to say is proceed reading for an interesting parallel between the cosmic dance of Nataraja and the sub-atomic particles.

From the dawn of recorded science, all forces in nature have been classified into four types alone. The strongest of these forces are those found within an atom. We have all learnt that an atom has three primary subatomic particles - protons, electrons and neutrons. The nucleus is comprised of protons and neutrons. We also know that like charges repel. The force of repulsion between two like charges is stronger as they come closer. Now imagine what you may have done as a kid, held two repelling magnets together. Imagine you had to wrestle a force much larger as two protons in a nucleus are unimaginably close together in the nucleus! And to top it off, you don't just have two protons in a typical nucleus but much more. The nuclear force holds all these protons that are struggling to release, together. This makes it extremely powerful. This is high energy physics.

Now inside this exciting nucleus where all these interactions are happening, the discussion of matter and anti-matter is inevitable. Thanks to Dan Brown, everyone has heard of anti-matter. It directly follows from the duality of mass and energy, how mass can be converted into energy and vice versa. Antimatter is a form of energy that is massless and may have charge. It is very difficult to visualize it as our notions of mass and charge are vague spherical bodies in our textbooks. Within a nucleus, collisions of particles lead to a cycle of creation and destruction of matter though the overall is stable at a macro view. It is an intricate and orderly chaos.

Indians are very familiar with the cycle of birth and death, creation and destruction. The image of the dancing Nataraja is something I was very drawn to. In those yellowing history textbooks about the bronze images created by the Cholas, I saw something of a genius there that lay forgotten. Years later when my interest in dance was renewed, I could not help noticing the beautiful balance of grace and wildness, the masculine and the feminine. The Yin and the Yang.

The image of Nataraja signifies that Shiva is in an eternal cosmic dance to keep the universe in order. Again, chaos for order. In the midst of fire, the high energy and rhythm, the dance resonates with time and space. The drum signifies vibration as the source of all activity and eventually, life. His hands signify both creation and destruction. One of them also reassures us that all will be will in this endless activity as he stands on the head of ignorance. His face is the central point of focus, the detached calm point of equality.

The parallels are staggering. I do not claim that our ancestors discovered the God particle years ago, I believe their senses of science and observation were immaculate. Their reasoning about the world lead them to distil away all distractions and hone in on one simple unchanging truth - change and repetition are the only facts in this world - chaos and order.

We are merely elements of this spectacular dance.

 

Nataraja gifted by India to CERN