For the past few months, I've been predominantly in the concave downwards parabola of my life, wondering where exactly did I go wrong. Luck, fortune, opportunity, everything seemed to slip away from me. I kept telling myself that things will be better, they did become so, but the dragon of despair soon destroyed any vestiges of my floaty happiness.
Reduced to a monotonous life of assignments and tests with rather unfair outcomes, my soul became troubled. The pressure mounted so much, all types mind you, parental, peer and college. And yet, I refused to become depressed. After the Great Depression of 2008 (more on that in a separate post), I refused to trouble my body with stress, forced myself to sleep well. In spite of that, this semester has made me push myself to the limits.
Letting my mind fight it all alone, because my pride wouldn't let me confide further to anyone, I became a bit moody, bit more self-pitying, bit more sarcastic and a teensy bit defensive. I became addicted to facebook and messaging and TV but wasn't enjoying it at all. That was so because I would only relax when I couldn't do work anymore and my mind would still be on it. Or worse, it wouldn't be and I would go on a guilt trip.
Today, at the fag end of the semester, I received news that my previous semester grades have been reviewed and moved up.
The clouds just seemed to disappear all of a sudden, it seemed like a good omen. In retrospect, I looked extremely silly in my head. Yes, the pressures were immense but that was simply the struggle of the caterpillar. Now almost freed from class labs, I finally have time for myself, to delve into my Pensieve.
And that is exactly what I have done. Somehow, writing gives me a clarity like nothing else. I suddenly saw the light at the end of my tunnel and I've decided to be the butterfly chasing the sunbeam and it has taken aim.
Reduced to a monotonous life of assignments and tests with rather unfair outcomes, my soul became troubled. The pressure mounted so much, all types mind you, parental, peer and college. And yet, I refused to become depressed. After the Great Depression of 2008 (more on that in a separate post), I refused to trouble my body with stress, forced myself to sleep well. In spite of that, this semester has made me push myself to the limits.
Letting my mind fight it all alone, because my pride wouldn't let me confide further to anyone, I became a bit moody, bit more self-pitying, bit more sarcastic and a teensy bit defensive. I became addicted to facebook and messaging and TV but wasn't enjoying it at all. That was so because I would only relax when I couldn't do work anymore and my mind would still be on it. Or worse, it wouldn't be and I would go on a guilt trip.
Today, at the fag end of the semester, I received news that my previous semester grades have been reviewed and moved up.
The clouds just seemed to disappear all of a sudden, it seemed like a good omen. In retrospect, I looked extremely silly in my head. Yes, the pressures were immense but that was simply the struggle of the caterpillar. Now almost freed from class labs, I finally have time for myself, to delve into my Pensieve.
And that is exactly what I have done. Somehow, writing gives me a clarity like nothing else. I suddenly saw the light at the end of my tunnel and I've decided to be the butterfly chasing the sunbeam and it has taken aim.
nice post but kinda emotional i guess:)
ReplyDeleteu totally deserved the change in grades :):):)
and i guess this sem's been tough on all of us, not just u, i guess. the terror sem ;)
I agree with you. Writing about your problems does give a clarity 'cause once when you write it down, it stops running over your mind again and again, and you'll also have a clear plan to attack your troubles. Good work, keep going! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you both very much :-)
ReplyDelete