Ma

When the demon Mahisha wreaked havoc on heaven and earth,
emboldened by a boon that he thought made him invincible,
when every being believed destroying him would be an enigma,
little did he imagine he would be vanquished by the majestic
Goddess Durga riding a lion into battle. I salute you, Ma.

Today's young woman swims through a society's judgements,
pursues her dreams in spite of all the manifest obstacles,
trudges on with her bravery through every dilemma,
stands up for herself and surprises the very earth from which
she sprung. A Goddess herself. I salute you, Ma.

The Devas and Asuras fought over you while churning
the ocean of milk, Goddess Lakshmi showed us how fleeting
material prosperity is and saw through the cosmic drama,
and travelled to the abode of the one person
who saw through the Maya, Vishnu. I salute you, Ma.

For a few centuries now, her work was not economic.
Respected if a Goddess operated within a line, she depended
on father, husband and son. Today, in a sweet moment of karma,
she embraced her hidden talents and can support
all three of them with her prosperity. I salute you, Ma.

The serene Goddess Saraswathi cannot be described by words,
as she is the bestower of words herself! The mother of learning,
art, the veena maestro, the one with the subtle charisma,
the envy of the world and the embodiment of everything
pristine, her blessings are most sought. I salute you, Ma.

While intelligence has always been an individual trait,
today's Goddess can participate in the highest echelons
of learning. She has realized the value of the dogma
of Ardhanareeshwara and is utilizing the yin and the yang
to make our society a better place. I salute you, Ma.

The Period Leave Debate

So as I start typing this blog, my mind is going -
Do you really want to type this out? What will "aunty" say?

Well I've disappointed many aunties in my life, so no harm done I say :D

The case: There have been many discussions going round on social media about a period leave policy which basically states that a woman can optionally take a day off on the first day of her period.

For: First of all, it's nice that nobody is sweeping discussions around menstruation under the carpet and talking openly. Secondly, for many women, the first day of the period is notoriously uncomfortable. It is nice to give them a dignified holiday, rather than forcing them to take a sick leave. This is because you are acknowledging that the woman is healthy and that it is her time of maintenance.

Against: Women have fought to fight in armies. They have come a long way in their fight to equality. Why should they need some frilly privileges about an obscure discomfort that happens so rarely? Doesn't it make a woman appear weaker in comparison to a man? It is already hard for a woman to get a job - she is judged whether she is married, pregnant, will have children, has small children. Why do we need to add a corporate HR approved reason?

I am for the leave policy. Even if I were to rationally put aside the fact that I would be a beneficiary, I find it to be a good idea. There are two categories of reasons why people oppose it - one is the fear of losing opportunities and the second is ignorance.

As mentioned, a woman gets into the workforce after a lot of preconceived notions that may be acted upon. So rest assured, that the woman who stays will be an ambitious one - an asset to the company. The leave will be optional - she would not leave a meeting for this. But on a lean day, she may prefer the rest. 12 days a year is 24 half days. For all you know, women might be using their sick days for this alone. Hence, as an astute company looking for pure talent will not lose out. In fact, by letting your ladies have the option of resting, they would be much more efficient the remaining days.

Ignorance is that many people do not know how debilitating it is for a large chunk of women. As it is considered shameful to talk about periods, talking about pain is a bigger taboo. It is supposed to be hidden, non-existent - so how will anyone - even other women - know what some healthy women suffer during their periods?

At the bare implementation level, I really don't care if this policy comes through or not. In terms of benefits, I might as well use my sick leave. I've met women who bring their baby to a meeting and everyone agrees because they are indispensable. I believe men and women are different but men and women are equal. Both of them perform tasks differently - there is no right or wrong way. There are countless number of women who have broken the glass ceiling. This policy is not going to make a difference. But it is encouraging to note that people are talking about this vocally.

I do not think this provision makes a woman appear weak. For the well trained mind - a day of rest during a period gives time for a woman to re-equip herself. Don't you think we ought to give her that choice considering it is but a small down time for a system that is responsible for significantly perpetuating the human race?

For the Love of Me

"What is emotional branding?", the voice of the instructor thundered across the class. The glint of her immaculately starched saree in the brightly lit room caught Lavanya's eye. "What an oxymoron", she thought. How could marketing ever be emotional? There is no ethics in business. A business exists to sell itself. A detached voice describing something "emotional" in an austere manner did nothing to impress her about the topic.

As this seemed to be the buzz in marketing, she thought she should take her training seriously. But her scepticism got the better of her. How can one be forced to be emotional to cater to making money? This form of marketing seemed to rely on poetry that cannot be commanded.

Lavanya's position in the company wasn't great and she knew it. She had to pull off the hair-oil commercial as soon and as effectively as possible. What could make her pitch stand out?

There are few typical ads that the brand already had - the dramatic visualisation of hair and the promise of spectacular results(with appropriate disclaimers in fine text as well). What could she possibly do to impress them? What would make their brand linger?

She contemplated stressing on the the minimal use of chemicals. Perhaps that would appeal to a wider audience.

As these thoughts had strayed into Lavanya's mind, the instructor was sternly looking at her, though she was oblivious to it. After a few goosebumps, Lavanya jumped out of her reverie and pretended to take notes.

After the session, she stepped out of her glass prison for a break. She hated her work. She was tired of failing every pitch. As she walked into the canteen, she was flooded with offers for Valentine's day. As if she needed anything else to ruin her day! Married to a job she did not love, she had no time for relationships.

She moodily bought her food and sat alone in a corner. In this consumerist era, how could she pitch an ad that connected with someone? She herself was so irritable that it seemed impossible that she had the capacity to make any other person happy, let alone millions of viewers.

A curl of hair fell on the table. No matter how disconnected she was with fashion, hair was her weakness. If at all anyone can pitch an ad for hair oil, it had to be her. When she was a child, her biggest nightmare was to wake up with no hair.

Perhaps it was the nourishment that was firing her brain cells. She thought about how superficial society had made her feel about hair. The fact that the loss of hair was something mortifying seemed laughable logically.

She finished her solitary meal and walked to the wash-basins. As she caught herself in the mirror, she couldn't help sighing at the sight of her new hair-cut. It was supposed to give her confidence but it changed nothing about how she felt about herself.

Confidence. There is so much of beauty in confidence and self-love. She had grown old with fear and disappointment. What would she not do to be the happy and cheerful person she was a few months ago?

Confidence. For centuries, women have been sold upon the idea that looks equal confidence. Lavanya knew that wasn't true. How could she use her ad to make someone feel confident?

And suddenly, the story line for the ad came in one glorious moment of inspiration. What if she confronted her fears, took away the superficial and came up with an idea that oozed with confidence? What if someone could feel good and hopeful seeing her ad? She was nervous about the idea but she felt some inkling of hope. She started liking herself more for coming up with the idea.

Thus, she came up with an ad about a cancer survivor who returns to work, bald and proud. Her own insecurities helped her come up with an endearing screenplay that helped her win the pitch. It helped her regain her confidence little by little and love what she does to the best of her conscience. So this Valentine's day, she realised she has begun falling in love again - with herself!

***

This post was written for Chennai Bloggers Club February Contest in association with woodooz and Indian Superheroes. I was paired with marketing tech professional - Subhashini who wrote the technical details of marketing here. Go watch the ads there! 

I am Engaged to Myself First

Today my blog turns 7 years old :)

I was 18 when I started blogging. I cannot believe how much I have transformed over these years. But I am learning every day and I thought the best way to look forward is to make a few resolutions and hope my constant companion, writing, is at my side and helps me fulfil them.

#1 Know that I am enough

Though my anxiety and over-thinking has helped me strive towards perfection, it has also magnified my failures out of proportion and has caused my self-confidence and self-esteem to plummet. I have been raised in a world where competition, results, numbers and conformance make sense and failing to achieve these seem to make my existence meaningless. This year I promise to breathe deeply, work hard and not be attached to the result as the scriptures say.

#2 Be Happy

I am not a happy person. Content, yes, happy, no. Who knows how long I am going to be on this planet? I vow to be happy every single day, sing, dance, write and shout off roof tops that I am alive. Of course, I'm going to be sad, angry, hurt, disgusted, pitiful but I will not let my eyelids close without reaching peace on my own terms.

#3 Hope

When despair, doubt and darkness permeate every inch of your surroundings, the survival of hope is endangered. In my true obsessive, possessive style, I shall hold on to it.

#4 Accept Myself

The previous year I was committed to being myself, to not be as docile as I was before. However I forgot that with that, acceptance of who I am is also required. I have messed up and the perfectionist in me loathes those parts of my life. While I thought that forgiving others would be the biggest battle, I was wrong. The biggest battle is forgiving myself.

#5 Be Engaged to Myself

I promise to talk to myself everyday, analyse what I've learned and grow a little bit. Everyday. I promise to listen to my fears and inhibitions. I promise to rejoice the small victories. I promise to not seek validation for my existence because in reality, we are all alone first and then we share society. Because I cannot truly complete society until I am complete on my own.

This post was inspired by a lot of things, but mainly an article I read on why women are wearing an engagement ring on their pinky finger to signify that they are engaged to themselves. While the sentiment is admirable, I do think it's a marketing ploy to ensnare single women :P

Advance happy new year, let's rejoice and grow together. :)

Speaking on Stage

About a month back, I gave a talk on women in technology. This is the blog edition where I pretty much describe how the day went.

First of all, I was very excited when I was approached to give a talk on something that I'm passionate about. I was also touched by the confidence the organizers had in me even though they had never heard me talk.

I started preparing for it, in true Indian student style, two days before the day. I had spent more time sharing pics than I had in actually preparing for the talk. That guilt surged in me and I worked hard to produce the best talk I can.

I enjoy talking on stage. I have a stage accent, that may be borderline annoying to people who aren't used to it, but to me, it sounds of dignity and assertion. I had thought-provoking questions, an element of comedy and a few slides. My theme was to point out that there is a requirement to reach out to women, give out true stories and present alternate societies in a compelling way.

With all these intentions, I arrived at the venue and predictably got lost. By the time I found my way, the lift wasn't working. Welcomed auspiciously thus, I walked into the venue. I was one of the first people to arrive.

Nobody is going to come. At this stage, I became nervous. No matter what the situation was going to be in front of me, a packed audience or a desert without a fly or a crow, I was nervous.

Finally, the event started to about a 120-member strong audience. The first speaker spoke so casually about her life and I was astounded by many similarities. But much to my chagrin, this was not a formal talk! There she was jumping on heels and pretty much connecting with the audience. I started taking mental notes. I realized my formal self is not going to fly with this audience.

However, I'm somebody who plans out every detail in my mind's eye. To change my approach completely in the last moment made my blood pressure shoot up! I delved into the chaotic mass of memories and pulled out bits of stand-up comedy, initial attempts at English and school and a bit of a gossipy voice I heard somewhere and strung together an accent. I think it made me more relatable.

Well, I started off without a mike and nobody could hear me at the back. Years of being appointed leader in school has given me a loud voice albeit it is often mellowed down due to a lack of confidence. With a silent exhalation where I imagined my fears disappearing, I started once again.

The rest is history. I was talking about me, things that matter to me. The words came effortlessly. Yes, the audience was laughing, they were catching my eye, they were paying attention, with every passing slide my confidence soared. Before this experience, any attempt at me being funny would be an abysmal fail because the intersection of the things I find funny and what others find funny is usually the null set.

At the end of it all, I enjoyed the questions. They brought out facets of my character that I had hitherto not explored.

I'm really happy to have had this experience. I had a lot of positive feedback after the talk. As a person, I also feel like I'm steadily improving my emotional stability with personal altering experiences like this.

Kudos to Swathi and Karthik from Skcript who invited me for the Google Women Tech Maker's event. Everybody was a winner that day!

To sum up, I am grateful to my parents and teachers who refused to give up on my painful shyness and pushed me on to the stage. It is on stage that I learned to face my fears and it is there that I learned that I can help conquer others' fears as well.

The Invisible Gender

This post is dedicated to people who identify themselves with the third gender. In India, transgenders have often been regarded holy. However, that has not protected them from discrimination at work or even inclusion in our society. While discrimination is a fundamental problem in India along the lines of gender, economy, caste and religion, we interact with all these sections of society. We're friends with people from different religions and economies but how many of us have ever had the opportunity to talk normally with a transgender?

In my experience, I've awkwardly thrust money into their hands at traffic lights, intimidated and afraid.

In this gloomy scenario, I was pleased to find that the Bharatanatyam teacher at my college is a transgender. She was fresh and amazing. She was very passionate about the dance form and had trained rigorously for years.

There wasn't an iota of awkwardness. All my initial inhibitions had just melted. I felt proud of my institution for not discriminating against her.

It opened up a platform for discussion on this pressing issue and gave hope for the winds of change. Everybody has a bit of femininity and masculinity in them. Biologically, we have both hormones - testosterone and estrogen. Some of us like to express ourselves in different ways. While the society today doesn't bat an eyelid at a woman who dons a suit, it looks down upon men who outwardly exhibit feminine characteristics. I think there is a subtext here which implies manliness is more superior, but that is just my view. After doing some cursory Wikipedia based research, I was happy to see that Tamil Nadu had a lot of schemes for the improvement of their welfare.

I think things are looking better. Recently, I saw a band perform which comprised completely of transgenders. I envision a day in the future when a man can wear feminine clothes and receive the same supreme unconcern as a woman in masculine clothes.

MS

MS are the initials of Dhoni.
MS are the initials of the great Carnatic singer MS Subbulakshmi.
MS are the initials of my dad.

To me MS means only one thing - Mood Swing :P

It is an open secret that women get mood swings left, right and center and I have read trillions of memes making fun of their illogical nature. But I thought, let me take you onto the other side, how it really feels to have a mood swing.

My father saw great potential in me as a thinker. He was adamant that I approach everything in life in a systematic and logical fashion. Tears and anger were both for weak people, he would say, and he painstakingly worked to remove all traces of such emotions. To give his due, he did succeed. There was a stage when nothing in the world would upset me and even if it did, not a single soul would know.

Until I was a teenager :P

Then came the storm of random tears, screams and bouts of self-pity with no clear logical reason. At the end of them, there would be rest and peace. And permanent embarrassment. Personally, it's not very frequent for me but when it is, it is the weirdest experience ever.

Symptom #1: Feeling either over-talkative or not talkative at all
I suddenly feel I need to talk about vital issues on the planet, like why curly hair is difficult to comb or why Harry Potter is nearly a religion and not just some figment of someone's imagination. Or, the diametric opposite, I want to keep calm and contemplate on the inner meaning of life. Why do I not like chocolate for example?

Symptom #2: My voice changes
Believe it or not, my voice truly changes when I have a mood swing. It becomes very high pitched suitable for both squealing and screaming.

Symptom #3: Tears
Whether I'm hungry, lonely, happy, sad, guilty, jealous, angry, scared, I cry. Irrespective of what emotion I'm feeling. An ant could bite me and make me feel like I'm the biggest loser on the planet.

Symptom #4: Over processing by the neurons
There are no longer seven colours in a rainbow, there are millions. There is a reason for everything yet there are none. There are expectations and yet there are none.

Symptom #5: I enjoy it
Strictly speaking, it is not enjoyment. However it is a slow building process where I repeatedly read things that make me angry for example and slowly build up the flame. To an outsider, it seems as if I enjoy being angry or sad and am increasing it. It is simply a way to escalate the emotion I am feeling to truly let it consume me in the end.

All the while, everything makes absolute perfect sense in some form that the story teller in me is quite proud. So much so that me realizing that I'm in a mood swing is probably how a schizophrenic wakes up to reality.

Once a mood swing is over, I feel extremely sheepish. The lack of logic painfully stabs the rising consciousness. And yet, I can't help but smile because once it is over, I feel like I've experienced emotion in the purest form, quite capable of instigating the poet in me to evoke the aesthetic sense from my most honourable reader.

To conclude, I offer two pieces of advice - to the one in a mood swing and to the one with the one in a mood swing. To the person in mood swing, don't hold back your tears. This is something I learnt the hard way, having been taught that tears are weak. It is a sign that your body wants to rest much like a baby does. And if you are lucky enough to realize you are in the middle of one, sleep or do something that makes you really happy. Happiness is also an emotion that your mood swing would greedily cast its form into. To the person who has realized that their friend is in a mood swing - mood swings are not a problem. I used to think they were a problem to address, they are not. It is simply a natural hormone rush that quite addles the brain. Best things to help your friend - patience, listening, chocolate and maybe some gentle persuasion to rest. The most important thing not to be done is to smirk in your supreme sense of normalcy. I have done that in the past, thinking I am some epitome of calmness until the mood swing bug bit me too and forced me to realize its power. Plus it would tip your friend to the worse, who is already teetering on the verge of  total emotional collapse.

In the end, it is a weird experience and what is life without weird experiences?

The Female Vote

The historic period of the Homo Sapiens is around 2500 years. It was only a mere 100 years ago, that women got the right to vote. Being a proud voter, I thought I would share some thoughts with you.

200 years ago, a portly highly respectable Englishman gave rational explanations on why married women cannot be allowed to engage in any form of trade.

"By marriage, the personal identity of the woman is lost. Her person is completely sunk in that of her husband, and he acquires an absolute mastery over her person and effects. Hence her complete disability to contract legal obligations; and except in the event of separation by divorce, or other causes, a married woman in the United Kingdom cannot engage in trade"





I am not finding fault with this respectable gentleman, He was an astute business man and a highly practical and in sync with his times. Even today when women are thought to be unadjusting and selfish if they do not subscribe to the views of their parents/husband/in-laws, one can only imagine how subservient women must've been 150 odd years ago, even the wealthy jewels residing in the glorious imperial capital of the world at the time.

The very beginning of recorded English feminism I personally feel is with the publication of Mary Wollstonecraft's "A Vindication of the Rights of Women". She argues that women are not naturally inferior to men, but appear to be only because they lack education. She suggests that both men and women should be treated as rational beings and imagines a social order founded on reason. (Source: Wikipedia, I've read the book, was too easy to cut-copy-paste :P)

The 1800's were a tumultous time for women. For example,

This handsome man on the right is none other than one of the most prolific physicists of England, Michael Faraday. His contributions and his ability to think out of the box is examplary. He was particularly drawn to Science by the elementary textbook written by the lady on the left Marcet Jane called "Conversations in Chemistry" where she extolled young women to spend time understanding Science.


This is a rather curious example stored in my head that I wanted to share at this point. Women were "daring" to say things other than what they had been taught, what they had been raised to perform. Another example, Elizabeth Garett Anderson became the first female physician. She had to fight an uphill task, no company whatsoever, hiring private tutors, becoming a nurse and slowly convincing people of her abilities and really the necessity to study medicine.

One baby step at a time, education, graduation, jobs and elf respect were improving.

I believe every woman, at some point of her life or the other, will truly and desperately wish she was a man. And that is the seed of feminism, to fight against this "guilt" of being who we are. Similarly, women almost exactly 100 years ago, started aggressively fighting for rights as education for women became more widespread. Both slow passive approaches and massively militant approaches were also tried by women to fight for their rights.

This was really the golden era, the blooming Industrial Revoultion, the age of the Titanic. Women realized they do not have a fundamental right, the right to vote. The French Revolution, for example, established a democracy in 1789 that awarded male adult franchise. This, when half the people who stormed Bastille were hungry ladies who were tired of seeing their babies die. The right to vote was a long drawn battle, notably led by Emmeline Pankhurst and her daughters alongside Milicent Fawcett. They were known as the suffragettes.

And just like every other person who tries to do something different, these women recieved a lot of flak.

 

 

What really helped women push the tide of patriarchy was in some twisted sense, the First World War. As men were conscripted to participate in the army, women unassumedly took over all major occupations at home. With increased movement and exposure, many were able to see the appalling conditions of female factory workers. As the war culminated in 1918, women in the US and UK got the right the vote.

They are by no means the first countries to grant the right.  New Zealand is the first country. However, the movements in these two countries have been greatly recorded. And, the English Suffragettes were directly in touch with our own women in India and helped us get the right to vote right from the Montagu Chemlsford Reforms in 1919.

Women's day is a day whose genesis lies in this movement overall movement across the world.

Why I have gone on this long winded history is because I want to show my fellow women that we have got this right to vote, that we now take for granted, with great difficulty. While it is important for any citizen to vote rationally, it is essential we use our 10 million neurons to rationally and personally vote. Today when I hear things like, I vote for this party because my family said so, my heart cringes. I don't mean rationally if you happen to follow your families choices it is bad. I mean, without giving a moment's thought and subscribing to somebody's views is not acceptable, Are we going back to the old ages? Let us not put this effort and pain and struggle in vain. We fought for the nation's independence, and coupled with this, it is our highest obligation that we do our jobs well, ladies. It is invigorating to vote because it is a personification of your individuality.

Google Google

You don't search things anymore, you google them. Ever since I began pursuing my higher studies, I've been hearing about the landmark paper - Brin and Page [1998] - sometimes in context, sometimes in jest that its effectiveness was not realised at that time. The fundamental idea - PageRank - found many applications thereafter. The point I'm trying to make is, Google is extremely good at discovering data that its user wants - and as personalised as possible.

One of the more charming aspects of Google, autocomplete, caught my attention. As always, autocomplete is a reflection of popularity of searches with the typed words of your query.

Today is United Nations Day. In the few weeks preceding, United Nations Women had an interesting ad campaign.

These results are region specific. I tried "women should" from my region and a very interesting gem I unearthed was "women should not be educated". Guffawing loudly, I spent an hour reading arguments that convinced me that feminism is very much necessary in this day and age as well. At least, to acknowledge that sexism and a sense of telling women what to do or even discuss what they should be allowed to do pervades global society.

Fidèle Féministe

Bleary eyed in the wake of dawn, actually just the eve of noon, I see some frantic attempts to contact me on my cell phone. Half-asleep and a tooth-brush in one hand, I call up my best friend to ask what the matter was. He was half-amused at my sleepy tone and half-annoyed he had to call me so much. Then he told me that 5 members of the ACM team had to go to IIT-Madras tomorrow. It was an ACM-Women event and as there are exactly five girls in the ACM team, everyone was waiting for my confirmation. I was in a state of resistance simply at the fact that I was enjoying a nice day off and had to wake up early the next day.  When you have a job in hand and are in the final semester, the tendrils of complacency tend to sneak their way into you and I washed them off and said yes. I thought I had nothing better to do that particular day and might as well see what's in store. I wasn't very excited because it involved a lot of planning and I was even less excited at the though I may be chaperoning the juniors who were to accompany me.

How very wrong I was!*

IIT-Madras is basically built in the middle of a forest, you'll see stags crossing the road and what not. It's also very huge and easy to get lost. I had done some research on the event and my feminist soul already had a few misgivings at the thought of an exclusive ACM-W event. Nevertheless, I was prepared to go to the venue, IC and SR auditorium. The event began at 9 am. The five us settled in the cozy air-conditioned auditorium at the back. So I thought this is going to be a nice girls hangout, already I began chatting with them and everything was warm and fun.

The first person to give their presentation was Ms. Reyyan Ayfer.

She came up on stage and she is obviously at ease and comfort and she squeals "Oh, I'm short!". As a person who values the 3 inches over the 5 feet mark, I could very well connect with her. She gave a talk about the ACM-W student chapter, how the first meeting was held on 12/12/12, how they wanted to bring awareness and create more ACM-W chapters to bring about a healthier gender diversity ratio for Computer Engineers. She said she knew what minority meant as she was in a family where her husband and her two grown sons were engineers and she was the only female. Gender-diversity at Chennai colleges are quite 50-50 but even then there is an unsettling feeling of minority that I had experienced from school.

Next on stage was Ms. Wendy Hall. 

She was so bubbly and fun!

Now she wanted to try something different, apart from just talking about ACM - W. She wanted to take us on a journey travelling back in time and experience her major milestones and hurdles in her path right from her first baby steps. Her parents had lived during the World War and she belonged to the "Baby Boomer" era where her parents strove to give the best in life. As an avid historian, my instant connect with someone who is culturally different but having read their history, it made me feel, "Oh, ya I know where she's coming from!". I won't know exactly how it feels but I had a fair idea. And she began.

And the rest is history.

To take that half century journey was mind-blowing. From math to computers, from Tim Berners Lee to hyertext, from multimedia to semantic web, the story was mesmerising. As she displayed the skewed gender ratio, I thought this representation problem is truly global. She mentioned lot of tales, the gender ratio in Qatar and so on. But what really piqued my interest was when she explained the process that took place when she became a member of the Royal Society of London, signing the same book which had been signed centuries ago by Newton! That's like... wow!!! She mentioned a lot of things, about how women got the right to something as fundamental as a vote only a century ago. The talk really did stir up those pangs of feminism that are always resident in the background somewhere.

There was question and answer session and I was itching to ask a question. Only problem is I have this stage fear, my heart starts pounding and my mouth goes dry even though I have spoken on countless occasions. A new audience is a new challenge and by the time I could muster the courage to ask a question, the time was up and we were asked to take a break for tea.

At tea, I asked my HOD to introduce us so that we can take a picture with them and I finally mustered the courage to ask Ms. Wendy Hall the question. I told her how I found it odd that the main ACM event has no women and all the women are here. Doesn't it give a subtle image that famous professionals are male? And she was surprised and agreed with me pronto and held my shoulders and said "Men just don't get it! Are you brave enough to ask that?". Now this was another mind-blowing experience. Not only did she echo my sentiments, but she really like the fact I asked it and encouraged me too. Again, the wonderful connect I felt even though culturally, geographically we were separated, at that moment we just two women who had experienced being a minority, who understood that women should not be selected simply by virtue of the fact they are women but simply that even the deserving women are not getting fair representation as the interest is not there to involve them, or that it is a new experience to invite women or because women are changing too fast for the scientific community to adapt.

So I walk in with more confidence. The next speaker was Ms. Sophie Vandebroek, chief technology officer of Xerox. She introduced us to the many many interesting technical problems that Xerox has addressed, variable pricing as an example, dispelling theories of the lone synonym for photocopy. Xerox is actually gearing itself to a paperless future and she gave a compelling talk about the principles, the innovation, the sheer quality of technical expertise they take, nurture, support and harness. Yet again, as fascinating as this was, what drew me was, of course, her life story, as a single mom with three kids. She said with a twinkle, managers let you get away with nursing your child at the meeting if your efficiency is indispensable. And by God, the way she walked,so confident and erect, like a woman who was running the show and more importantly a woman who knew she was running the show. It was charisma par anything I had seen. Then, she shows a family photo and am wondering, are they her cousins and she says those grown people are her children! Two sons and a daughter if I remember right. As I was in the very last row, I could not make out the few lines in her face but her agility and bearing gave me an impression of a far more energetic and young woman.

After that was a technical talk on classifications that may be used for applications such as biometrics by a professor in IIT, and an old student of the same. She emphasised the need for more girls to take up IIT. As a student who did not make it to those hallowed halls, it hardened my resolve to conduct a coaching class to give girls the confidence to tackle the IIT-JEE head on and  with self-belief.

Then, post lunch we had a panel discussion. As a feminist, this session, further post-lunch, was quite old talk, arguments about . I had heard all these stories before. Once again, it was not the issue but their life stories, struggles and triumphs that struck a chord. Indeed, they were inspiring people, Ms. Rashmi Mohan from Yahoo, the youngest, mother of two daughters, Anupama, one of the directors at IBM who had grown from a traditional roots to a bold outlook, Meenakshi, a hard-core academic, again juggling kids and work, Akila, a corporate representative who unfortunately  chaired the discussion and could not give much insight into her own life story, Gayatri, the senior most corporate member, adventurous and always travelling. Each person gave so many little anecdotes that I cannot honestly quote. Recurring themes were resilience, spirit, determination, motherhood and dedication.

https://sites.google.com/site/acmindiaevent2013/speakers

Please do visit this site to see their exhaustive achievements. For the mountain of achievements, they were all very down-to-earth. The question and answer session was back. However I couldn't see Ms. Wendy Hall who said she'd back me up. My friend was whispering proper ways of framing it and my throat was still rasping. I asked the question and they said all the wonderful women are here today and the organisers said we'll include women. I thought my question was dealt with rather quickly and was feeling miffed. I wanted to know what everyone felt about it. So that tea break, I went around talking. I met Anupama and she said we were losing out statistically because there were very few women in top corporate society. I was not personally convinced because quality will speak out but I guess the statistics is over-whelming. Then I met Rashmi and she said that was a fantabulous question and my spirits started to rise again. After that I met Ms. Sophie Vanderbroek and she was excited by the question too and I was pouring out my enthusiasm and admiration of her talk and promised her I will write good stuff about Xerox. I'm sure I've at least established the quality of people at Xerox. Last I met Ms. Reyyan Ayfer, who was very excited about the whole blogging scenario and then asked me so many questions about my culture that enthralled me.

The ACM-W event wrapped up by then and the lecture by the legendary Vint Cerf followed. As I let the events of the day seep, I realised that so many cultures, languages, lifestyles apart, so many women, all over the world feel the way I do. I call them loyal femisists, Fidèle Féministe, by virtue of their work and committment and their eagerness to reach out to like minded women.

The journey I have charted out for myself is no doubt going to be rigorous but there has been a re-kindling of hope in my soul. This event helped me find an inner strength and sense of logic that I had allowed to be dormant and I thank everyone from the organisers, my HOD, the speakers and my best friend for waking me up that Wednesday Morning on January 24 2013.

*taken from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Freedom at?

Midnight, 1947, August, we awoke while the world slept. We were born in tough times and our history is intricately sewn into the fabric of our nation, our diverse yet united nation, as the cliche goes. We have our flaws and our strengths. We are all different, and that's how we're the same.

What is freedom? Freedom, to me, is a golden trove of coins guarded by the dragons of toil and  strength. Freedom means responsibiltiy. Freedom means doing what is right even when no one is watching. Freedom is taking control and responsibility for your actions, for better or worse.

I am a feminist, as any acquaintance of mine can quickly gather. What does being a feminist mean today? Coming from a bustling metropolis, the image of an equal female Homo Sapiens is as common as the potholes on the road. What more could a woman want today, you ask? Has she not got all the freedom she could never have dreamed off in centuries?

You are right, my honourable reader, she has got more freedom today than her grandmother. She has far more respect in this country than in others. In every industry, her presence is accepted, whether grudgingly or not is another matter. What more can she want?

As you read this, if you feel that, yes feminism is unnecessary today, let me put a little perspective. As you read the preceding lines, did you feel, yes she has enough freedom? Enough respect? There is a problem there am afraid, you cannot actually decide how much freedom, it's really an all-or-none principle.

This post is purely personal, a reflection of my thoughts, some of these opinions are even against those of my close kith and kin, but am fortunate enough to experience that much freedom of expression in this blogosphere. Also, I am talking about my experience alone, I am not talking about the various issues of female foeticide or something I have not seen first hand, these are merely the shackles that bind me.

I have always had questions since I was small. Why? Why? Why? My parents were always patient with all my questions and never said they were too busy. If they found some question awkward or inappropriate, they would divert my attention (which was pretty easy!) , one of the most striking question-answer session surfaces to my mind. My father was expressing contempt at some young girl for coming home alone and late. I asked him, doesn't he always do that? You can imagine how the conversation went, perplexing my eight-year old mind, asking what was the problem if a woman wore no jewellery to attract theives or something?

I am a little more than a decade older and I have a new confusion on the topic. How can a soceity that has such a complex evolution from one of the oldest civilisations, right from Indus Valley, be so corrupt, selfish and unsafe for women? Why are we honed as rubies to be kept away from contempating eyes, locked away from the world, presented at appropriate occassions? Why do we need protection? Why does my father get tensed when I take public transport? Why is our clothing scrutinied by a pseudo-criminal eye before we step over the Lakshman Rekha of our homes? Why are single scientists and entrepreneurs looked down upon with more scorn than their male counterparts?

Why am I always dependent on some other?

I cannot tell someone I will be here at this point in time, It involves a complicated beauracratic process that will do a job-scheduling algortihm with resources, time and priority in question. This dependence irks me. When I went to attend tuition in high school, if it became late, it was the responsibility of my best friend to protect me. A girl's image is to be protected, for society loves whip-lashing its tongue over what it perceives a girl has done wrong, and what's worse blame her parents for it. She shoulders a lot of responsibility and respect but minimal freedom of expression, atmost she can expect a few consoling words from those close to her.

Broad daylight is too narrow.

And I need not even get started on the online arena, online security is the norm. Many girls, even today, shy away from Facebook and other social networking sites altogether. Photos are dangerous. If you have a profile picture and God help you if your photo has 100 likes, you will get friend requests from Pune to Madurai. On an aside, why would I accept a friend request from Naan Kettavan?

What should I do? Should I hide in the deepest dungeons of Snape, attain a society-approven pale colour when I do not allow even light to enter my life? Should I look ugly (more than I am anyway ;-) ? Should I wear clothes that will drive people as far as they would go if they met Pumbaa in the morning?

I want to be the one to walk in the sun. I do not want umbrellas, I do not want bodyguards, I do not want guardian angels. I present myself in a way that commands respect but still hints of an air of approachability. I acknowledge this is a personal line I draw for what I deem presentable may seem modern to others, its an issue that can be debated for hours, clothes. 

When there are no men to attack and no men to protect and no men to tell you what they decide is the norm for society - women as fair as snow, working as teachers, that day will be my independence day.

Ok, I've been pretty serious all this while and I really doubt many people would have come so far, but if you have, I want to firstly thank you. I am practical, I do not expect this Utopian state in my lifetime. What can I do now to be independent? I hold my head up high. I love pink and Dragon Ball Z. I like Anchor stitch kits and Age of Empires. I like all sorts of things that do not stereotype me a feminist/tomboy/girly-girl. I want to get my license to drive first, I want to stop depending to an extent possible, I want to do so many things. On the bright side, ever since I've joined college, the birthplace of my first brush with freedom, I've been enjoying a different kind of freedom and responsibility which escalated to a new level on this blog. I really think and believe that online is where the next feminist movement will be, and for a change, not by men like Raja Rammohun Roy, but by ordinary average yet relatively empowered girls, my freedom fighters.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Fairest of Them All?

"Oh, how I wish that I had a daughter that had skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony", cringed Snow White's mother. And her wish was granted for the drops of blood that fell, when she pricked herself with a needle, fell on the white snow on the ebony window sill.


And then we know the story, blah blah blah, vetti step-queen with way too much time on her hand and suffering from the same SOS (self-obsessed-self) disease as me, admires her carefully crafted looks in a truth-telling-mirror until her step-daughter surpasses her beauty. She tries to get her killed, instead of sending a Golden deer, she sends an over-sentimental soldier who lets her escape. Snow White meets seven guardians who will all go to work but draw a Lakshman-Reka anyway to protect her. Then, in true Tamil-villain style, she dons one big macham on the left cheek and a evil grin and tricks her into eating a poisoned apple. 


So we build a glass coffin as they don't want to bury her. Who will save our damsel in distress? Enter prince Charming stage left, who falls in love at first sight and delightfully marries when the apple gets dislodged. The queen dies of heart attack.


And all the good people lived happily ever after.


OK, this was one of my favourite stories when I was small, but let's review the characters shall we?


The Queen: By far, the most realistic character in the story. Apparently she didn't grow up in India, where chants of "idan na mama" will claim to drive every particle of self-obsession in your body. Anyway, scheming/plotting/revenging is quite exciting in Kaliyug but for what? The oil fields of Kuwait.. nope.. to be Miss Universe with no competition.


Snow White: Beautiful, serene, child-like and innocent. Completely cute except for the child-marriage ending. And if she really fitted the descriptions, she'd look like this

It's kind of scary even with a smile attached.

Dwarves: We're supposed to believe that these little descendants of Vamana are completely careless but caring. Honestly, the first thing they say is if you will keep house for us, and cook, make beds, wash, sew, and knit, and keep everything clean and orderly, then you can stay with us, and you shall have everything that you want. And they don't bother to stay at home anyway. That doesn't sound caring. That sounds like, "Machi, this cute girl does all the homework for me da!".

Prince Charming: Convenient person to marry Snow White. All secret-female-infanticide-practicers probably pray for Prince Charming. All you'd have to do is doll your daughter in shoe-polish, paint her lips red and black hair is the norm anyway, lay her in a casket and voila!, a no-dowry asking, promptly falling-in-loving guy will be there to relieve you of your "burden". 

Let's come to the twenty-first century. A land imprinted by Einstein, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and so many other revolutionary rationalists, where spirituality and science tend to a delicate balance.

Apparently black hair, white skin, red lips are not enough to fall under the category of beautiful women. So, if a guide to look beautiful for twenty-first century girls/women came out, it would be like this.

Skin:

The skin must be completely blemish free. No spots/pimples/pores/acne (and these are all very different things mind you) shall disgrace thy face. And, yes in true OOP concept, we inherit the white-as-snow skin as well.

Well happens to people born with an overdose of skin-cancer-preventing-melanin. Not to worry, to attain the spiritual realm of perfect skin to cater to your spiritual societal needs, cosmetics, a trillion dollar industry, is there to help.

So we have toners, cleansers,  conditioners, foundation, concealers, moisturisers and sunscreens (and again these are all very different things). That's just for the skin. You also have lipsticks, lip gloss, rouges and other make-up a well. Apart from these wide range of oh-so-magically-convert-#deb887-to #fffff, you have beauty parlours. 

Beauty - the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind.
Parlour - an audience chamber


A beauty parlour - like a compound composed of elements - does not exhibit any of these characterisitcs. It is a catalyst that does absolutely nothing to an individual's beauty but increases the speed of understanding prettiness is far different beauty and the law of expansion - the price of the service will expand to the size of your wallet.


So anyway, you get facials - of type saffron, gold, platinum, diamond, flowers, and add-fancy-greek-names.
Have we really changed?

1500s
Ancient priests believed diamond dust will cure bubonic plague.


2011
People believe that diamond dust will cure societal plague.


Now the face is composed of eyes and eyebrows. Eyes shall be perfectly outlined in kohl. Eyebrows shall be perfectly shaped by the process of carefully selecting each mischievous naughty hair out of place, placed caressingly in the fond embrace of the loop of a thread, only to be betrayed and violently jerked out.

And as if all this isn't enough, we have waxing, the wonderful cure for removing body hair. Why? because its beautiful. And no force on this planet can convince me to lay myself as balikadu, anoint me with strips of wax and rip the paper on top. Come on, I had enough of that mini-version when my luxurious hair on my hand got caught in cello-tape.


Waxing meant:

Mummification

Witch Torture Involving Hot Wax

Hair


It shall be curled, straightened or teased to the whims and fancies of rich,old,heavily-made up ladies who dictate fashion. It shall be tangle free, thick, lustrous and shiny. You have shampoos and conditioners and dyes. You have hair spas as well.

Marie Antoinette - Later beheaded on the guillotine - Take a hint

Silly vetti queen takes a hair style, then silly vetti subjects also take the same hair-style.


Similarly, popstar takes a hair style, silly fans take same hair style. And pay for it too. 


Average hair cut for boys : Rs.75
Average hair-cut for girls - Rs. 300
Average hair-cut for barbed-wired-frizzy-long-haired-traditional-doofuses-refusing-to-reduce-length - Rs.500


Nails


Of course, a simple nail polish doesn't suffice. 


If thou art a girl, thou shalt be a princess.


You deserve the pampering touch of exotic soaps and cleansers and massages. You deserve the best nail-art in the century, you are special. Just as you allow your madly whirring brain, calculating the peculiar scents to be that of combustible acetone and cleansing ceramide, to slip into sub-consciousness, the bill arrives.


Manicure - Rs. 400
Pedicure - Rs. 300


This was the regular package madam, do you want to try our premium peppermint services?


*Insert appropriate swear word*


Reactions:


From aunties of previous generation: You are absolutely right, chellam. All I ever did in my youth, was empty the talcum powder box with cute powder puffs imported from Turkey (Or are there only towels from Turkey?"), touched up grey hair with mai(kohl), swathed myself in lipstick and a facial, only once a week. I wouldn't have dreamed of cutting my hair.


From my mom's colleagues:


Until I was in school : Sowmya romba chammathu, make-up laam interest kidaiyaathu, verum padippu thaan.
Now : I think she has a social disorder, absolutely refusing to enter a beauty parlour.


From my fellow college girls:


Category A: Hey ya, what you say is correct only but I use face wash because my skin is oily.
Category B: I totally agree with you dude, can't understand what all the fuss is about. (Autumn Sunshine)
Category C: Hey its my personal wish, I quite like it. Come on, it gives me confidence. I should like looking at me first.


These three categories are quite fine. The following categories irk me.


Category D: Girl obviously made up claiming haven't done a single artificial thing in life.
Category E: It is the destiny of women to suffer pain. If you can't bear so much for beauty...


My response: Precisely the reason I feel it is unnecessary to invite more pain


Category F: Don't you want to look good? To impress friends, family, enemies? Don't you want to look, to die for, unreachable, a prize?


Who the hell assumed I don't look good???


My fellow college guys:


Guys are far simpler. Only one category.


Hey there is a girl over there.
Matter over.


Conclusion:


I am dark, body-haired, curly-tangled, pimpled/pored/acned yet I am beautiful. I do experiment with hair-styles, eye-liners and nail-polish for a change. It's merely a craving for change and some attention. Its not a norm or a necessity or a path to attain beauty-nirvana. Its the colour of your heart that counts, not your skin. And I believe, the people who I would like to be friends with, will notice me for who I am, and like me for that beauty. I find the money pointless. Its insane to expect men to change their attitudes about dowry and female infanticide and not teach women to evolve.


Even people very close to me has commented, that grace and beauty are not important in a man as it is in a woman. That's like saying, "Your record and observation are far worse than boys'". How on earth can you expect equality when such comments are in practise? Scold me for a bad observation. That is about the line I draw. What's with all the advertisements also? Fair girl gets noticed by all, dark by none? 


I believe in looking presentable. Because that communicates your willingness to communicate your intelligence, talent and so on. That includes a supreme level of confidence, that I ask every girl who is reading this to have, which cannot be bought by a make-up artist. And if make-up gives you that confidence, go ahead. A conscious choice is alright, not like a herd in a rampage.


Because, girl, with your smile, you are beautiful.

Agatha Christie

Helen Keller

Marie Curie

  

ME B-)

Happy Women's Day?

Once again, it’s that time of the year when women all over the world celebrate the achievements of women. 

To some, today is a day to bring burning issues to the forefront.

To others, it's a day of celebration and respecting the female souls that make your life wonderful.

To me?

I'm confused as usual.

What's so great about women?

A recent article suggested because they can multi-task and very beautiful and have an attitude worth admiring. Err... I'm not exactly what you call beautiful and I multi-task as much as Arjuna the Archer and really am too confused to have people notice my attitude. So that really can't be it.

Early on, I enjoyed celebrating Women's Day. I'm a feminist and often think women don't get their due. Whatever a woman is doing normally today is such a great task, what with societal norms and traditions. I'm not being a female chauvinist, I'm not claiming they're better than men, they are as good or as bad as men on a mental and spiritual plane. I know there will be some people who will turn up their noses at this point, believe me honourable reader, Aristotle never perceived the friction stopping the force and you are following in his footsteps. I also thought it was a great forum to be heard.

As a woman, I have received many “Happy Women’s Day” wishes meant as compliments. More often than not, it is like lighting a fuse for me. People don’t understand my vendetta against women’s day. Here, I try to explain my stance.

It was first observed in 1911 ( Yes, I know, this is a bit too much... but me and history are inseparable!) against the backdrop of protests demanding the right to vote for women. It was a movement started by women to celebrate the forward strides taken by women in all spheres of life all over the globe. But amidst these rosy descriptions is hidden the fact that women required and do require a reason to celebrate. The day is simply a mask to hide the scars of sorrow and an anaesthetic for the wounds of subjugation and discrimination. (Gee! I like my similes) . That is why I hate International Women’s Day (IWD). It emphasises and re-emphasises why only one day in a year is International Women’s Day whereas the remaining days aren't. I know that people will claim that women have achieved so much that is worthy of celebration. Then, celebrating IWD just once a year, is silly. Every day is a day of celebration then and thus it’s ordinary and requires no special celebration anyway!

International Women’s Day is a great mode of creating revenue for businesses. Women hardly realize that it is just a trick to make them part with their money. Advertisements crop up that claim they respect the female soul, the one which is the pillar of strength and other poetic lines to entice the innocent. It makes me wonder where all this respect was during the days I normally went shopping.

Finally, if you're a woman, I salute you and encourage you to be a responsible citizen of the globe and chase your dreams every single day. Be a part of the revolution. And yes, Happy Women's Day Everyday!

If you're a man, I firstly salute your patience to reading till the end, it gives me hope and would entreat you to treat all women fairly in triumph and trials. Be a part of the revolution!

And yes, I fully know that the burning question in your mind is

"Dude where's the treat?"